Lady Feelings
by jane0904
Summary: Just a little something that I needed to get out of my brain. Chuck and Casey have a heart to heart while in a difficult situation, with a Sarah cameo at the end. Humour, not slash. Read, enjoy, review!


"Did it ever occur to you that the reason you stay in this assignment is because you like me?"

"Shut up, Bartowski."

"No, I mean it. Big, tough, G-man assassin like you, it must be irksome to look after little old me. The nerd. The geek. The –"

"Man without a head."

"I have a head."

"You won't if you don't shut up."

"You can't hurt me. I'm your job."

"It would be an accident."

"And you think they'd believe you?"

"According to you I'm a big, tough, G-man assassin. Who's _not_ going to believe me?"

"Good point. Although I still say you wouldn't hurt me. Much. You like me."

"Don't you have an off switch?"

"What?"

"Every time we get in a situation like this, you want to talk. Worse, you want to talk about feelings."

"Don't make that face."

"How do you know what face I'm making? It's pitch dark in here."

"I can tell. I know you. It's your face no. 4. The one you use on Morgan and make him run for cover."

"Bartowski ..."

"You've practised it, haven't you? In the mirror. It's probably part of your routine. Morning run – check. Shower – check. Buy More uniform – check. Gun – check. Practising the face that makes Morgan hyperventilate then hide in the store room – check."

"Promising myself that one day I'll rip off your arm and stuff it down your throat – check. Now, can you please shut up? I'm trying to plan here."

"What's to plan? We're locked inside a container on a ship heading for God knows where, and when we finally reach it and they open up the door, the sun's going to hit our lifeless, mummified corpses and someone's going to have to tell Ellie I didn't make it."

"If I can get out of these handcuffs you won't have to wait that long."

"Why didn't you go, Casey?"

"What?"

"When they offered you that other assignment. Why didn't you go?"

"I ... Bartowski, just shut up and concentrate. Have you got anything like a pin, or something? If I can just pick the locks ..."

"I don't have anything, remember? They stripped us. I don't even have a handkerchief to cover my indiscretions."

"And believe me, I'm glad it's dark so I don't have to look at your scrawny ass."

"You think it's scrawny? Because I've been working out. A bit. And what with the training I've been doing ... you think my ass is scrawny?"

"Yes."

"So you've been studying it?"

"What?"

"Well, if you think my ass is scrawny, that must mean you've been looking at it. John Casey, do you have a thing for my ass? Do you fantasise about it?"

"Only so far as sticking my foot up it."

"I knew you liked me."

"Bartowski, I'm only going to say this once, so you listen, and you listen good. I do not like you. I think you are a major thorn in my side, and you've caused me nothing but hassle since I took this assignment. Not only you, but Walker too, the way you hang over each other, holding hands ... it's not natural."

"You held hands with Ilsa."

"I did a lot of things with Ilsa that you're never going to know about. But I do know about you and Walker. I have to. It's my job. And that's all this is. A job."

"Casey, have you ever heard the phrase about protesting too much? And can we maybe agree that one night a week you don't listen in on my bedroom?"

"No."

"You know, I really wish it was Sarah in here with me."

"Yeah. Naked."

"No. I didn't mean that."

"No?"

"No. Well, maybe a bit. But I meant at least we'd be able to have a proper conversation on the way to our messy and disgusting deaths."

"About your lady feelings."

"You have them too, Casey."

"Take that back."

"No, I won't. And the truth is, you're only afraid of them because you know they're there, and all it will take is for one person to hug you and all this pent-up longing is going to come bursting out of you."

"Bartowski, one more word and I'll –"

"What? Kill me? You didn't before. Your lady feelings got in the way."

"That was a mistake. I waited too long."

"No, I think you waited just long enough, at least as far as I'm concerned. Just admit it, Big John. You like me."

"No."

"Go on. Three little words. I'll start you off. I ..."

"Bartowski ..."

Whatever Casey was about to threaten Chuck with was put on hold as there was the noise of the bolts being drawn back on the door, and a moment later sunlight flooded into the container, making them both blink at the sudden brightness.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" asked a familiar voice as a figure stood silhouetted against the glare.

"Walker?" Casey rattled the handcuffs. "Get me out of here."

Sarah smiled. "Is there something you boys want to tell me?" She stepped inside, looking down at their naked forms.

"All a misunderstanding," Chuck said quickly. "After I flashed on Mulligan there was a bit of a fight, Casey got knocked on the head and I tried to help him, and ... well, here we are." He was trying to roll away from her, hiding his more private regions by showing her his scrawny backside. "They probably thought it was funny to take our clothes."

"Hilarious. Just find the key," Casey growled.

"No key," Sarah said. "But I do have these." She held up a set of lockpicks. "Only take a moment." She knelt down by Chuck first. "Are you okay?"

He smiled. "Bruised. A bit. But okay. Did you get Mullligan?"

She inserted the finest pick, manipulating it delicately. "Yes, we did. He's in lockdown even as we speak. He won't be blowing up any more dockyards."

"Good." The lock gave and he was able to lower his arm, groaning slightly as the blood made its way back into his hand. A moment later his other wrist was free, and he was rubbing to increase the circulation, the pins and needles making him almost wish he was still shackled.

"Here," Sarah said, handing him a blanket. "Wrap this around yourself."

He nodded, covering himself up. "Thanks."

She turned to Casey, who just rattled his cuffs again. She grinned and got to work. "So, did you boys have a nice chat while Mommy was at work?" she asked brightly.

"We sure did," Chuck said, much happier and more relaxed now that Sarah as there. "We talked about all sorts of things, didn't we, Casey?"

"Shut up, Chuck."

"About how he likes me, about how he fantasises about my ass, about his lady feelings ..." He stopped, mainly because Casey had a knee in his chest and one hand around his throat, still dangling the other end of the open cuffs. "Casey ..." Chuck managed to gasp out. "You're hurting the Intersect."

"One day, Bartowski. One day." Casey stood up, all six feet four of him, as unencumbered by clothing as the day he entered the world.

Sarah held out a second blanket, careful to keep her gaze above waist height. "Um, do you want to ..."

Casey grabbed the blanket and tossed it over his shoulder. "I don't have anything to be ashamed of." He strode out of the container into the sunlight.

Sarah helped Chuck to his feet. "Did you spend the entire time winding him up?" she asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Well, there wasn't anything else to do." Chuck watched Casey stalk, stark naked and proud of it, towards the waiting helicopter. "And he's right. Nothing to be ashamed of. No wonder Ilsa likes him so much."

"Absolutely," Sarah breathed, her eyes fixed outside, then winced as Chuck hit her on the arm.


End file.
